Encouraging Calmness in the Storm

While there are a number of important skills that we need to reinforce with kids, I am wondering where this one ranks in a time where seemingly non-stop consumption of social media is the norm. How do we get our children to take a step back and realize the power accessible to them if they can pause, reflect, and learn to enjoy minutes of solitude without defaulting so quickly to the all-to-familiar “I’m bored” mindset?

Well, for me and I am sure many parents, it starts with a look in the mirror. How are we setting up ourselves (and our kids) for success when it comes to the phenomenon that Mr. Rogers mentioned above. As Shawn Achor points out in The Happiness Advantage, “Americans actually find free time more difficult to enjoy than work.” We function much better under the confines of our professional lives where we are required to use our minds, set goals and be focused on our work. While we fall into our work routines rather easily, our leisure pursuits are a bit more problematic because we are not accountable to colleagues or a boss for these personal pursuits.

“Because there is no leisure boss…we follow the path of least resistance, and that path inevitably leads us to the couch and the television. And because we are ‘mere bundles of habit,’ the more often we succumb to this path, the more difficult it becomes to change directions.”

Shawn Achor

A great deal of the insights on this come from Csikszentmihalyi’s research on happiness in flow. It is clear that active pursuits like sports and other physical pursuits are much more likely to heighten levels of enjoyment for longer periods of time, but because the television clicker and the iPhone are so much easier to access, we tend to give in to these defaults.

Here’s the catch according to Achor, “Studies show that these (passive) activities are enjoyable and engaging for only about 30 minutes, then they start sapping our energy and creating what psychologists call “psychic entropy” – a listless, apathetic feeling…American teenagers are two and a half times more likely to experience elevated enjoyment when engaged in a hobby than when watching TV, and three times more likely when playing a sport.”

For me, there is a clear need for more mindfulness so that individuals can be more deliberate about their passive and active pursuits. We should spend a few days (or weeks) tracking our active and passive pursuits and how we are feeling on days when we do not have some balance. Are we being reflective about our own actions and reactions or are we so antsy that we can’t enjoy the moments of solitude that we all need to be able to handle the stress and pitfalls that are a normal part of life?

I have a lot more questions than answers, but I know that I am in favor of more wonder in my life and the life of my kids.

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